Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress,
and working together is success. ~Henry Ford
Successful and happy relationships do not just happen.
They take commitment and work. Keeping couples
relationships strong requires working through challenges
successfully and staying committed to each other during
the process. Relationships are constantly faced with challenges today. Whether it is communication problems, infidelity, parenting, substance abuse, or loss of a family member, couples counseling has many benefits. Not only does couples counseling help in working through problems, it enhances relationships and opens up lines of communication. One of the most common complaints of couples is that they do not feel heard or understood by their partners. A professional therapist can help couples communicate in such a way that they can understand, accept, and respect one another’s perspective. They can begin to feel safe in sharing their feelings and thoughts. They can draw closer than they thought possible.
Couples counseling can also help to reduce the chance of problems becoming worse, and relationships drifting, becoming damaged, or ending in divorce. Research has found that professional counseling improves relationships and the physical and mental health of all family members is significantly improved.
Couples counseling has many benefits to those who want to build strong, healthy, and happy relationships. Great relationships do not just happen. There is investment involved, that is, investment of time, effort, and sacrifice. Some of the most successful relationships are those that have undergone some of the most difficult times and committed to work on them together.
Getting help to improve or save a relationship is one of the wisest, most loving things a couple can do for their own well-being, for their children and families, and for their future. No relationship has to suffer from the pressures of unresolved problems that lead to even greater problems. Couples counseling help is available and it can make a difference for a lifetime!
Marital Secrets–7 Reasons We Keep Them (from Couples Counseling Series)
by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC
Matt has an online relationship with a woman from another state. It isn’t anything serious, so why worry his wife? Katie has been hiding her spending sprees from her husband that has put them into serious financial debt. She is afraid if he finds out he will never forgive her. Jason never told his wife that he got fired from his job, but rather, that he got laid off. He did not want her to lose faith and respect for him.
From the above scenarios, we can clearly see that couples keep secrets from one another and they are not always honest. Let’s look at some reasons why people keep marital secrets:
• They dread their spouse’s reaction which may evoke anger, rejection, blame or punishment.
• They fear that it will just cause more unnecessary problems.
• They are concerned that the secret will hurt or worry the spouse.
• The secret may involve another person whom they don’t want to bring up.
• They do not want to disclose details or issues from their past.
• The secret is something they are ashamed of.
• The secret may involve something illegal.
In couples counseling we often find that the most common secrets involve affairs, misuse of money, criminal problems, pornography, or sex issues. Although couples want to be honest with each other, there are proper boundaries between an individual’s privacy and keeping potentially relationship damaging secrets. So a key question is, “Would you want or need to know this secret if it were held by your partner?”
The marriage can be negatively affected if some secrets are not told. It can be difficult to keep secrets in a marriage and be honest and true at the same time. The big secrets can eventually lead to big marital problems.
The goal is to preserve a healthy relationship built on trust, honesty and open communication. And remember, marital secrets are not always the core problem. Marital secrets are oftentimes the symptom to a bigger problem. Why does the secret-keeping spouse feel a need to keep the secret? What is he/she afraid of? What does he/she really have to hide?
Couples counseling can help couples uncover reasons for marital secrets, help couples work through underlying issues, find balance between sharing secrets and a place for individual privacy, and strengthen marriages to face issues and overcome problems.
A quarter of all married men surveyed admitted to having kept "an important secret" from their spouse, such as debts, gambling, hidden financial assets, alcohol or drug abuse, or hidden sexual practices. An even greater percentage of women--31%--said they had discovered that their spouse kept an important secret from them. (Parade Poll Special Report)
Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away. (from the movie Evita)
Concealing any activity from the other may create unnecessary suspicion and mistrust between husband and wife and the situation may go beyond repairs one day. Therefore it is in the best interest of both to share what ever they have so that it strengthens the mutual-bond and love. ~Atharva Veda
The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart. ~Saint Jerome
If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find. ~John Collins
