Divorce is a major stressful event for children and adults. To children, divorce is confusing. They have so many concerns and questions about how their lives will change. They cannot control what is happening to their family, and they often think that they are responsible for their parents divorce. Strong emotions are experienced such as hurt and anger.
For adults and children, divorce is an adjustment that takes time. It is more difficult for some than others, depending on a number of factors. Conflict between parents creates more stress and difficulty for children of divorce. Support from family and friends has a significant impact on coping. Children with little support tend to feel more insecure and worried than children with a good support system.
regressive behavior in young children: whining, clinging, returning to security blanket, toilet training problems, thumb sucking
sleeping problems
fears, insecurities, worries
withdrawal, isolation, unusually quiet
disobedient, disrespectful to parents and authority
aggressive, violent, or destructive behaviors
anger, resentment, embarrassment about divorce
physical symptoms: aches and pains, stomach problems, headaches
academic problems: focus, truancy, declining grades, tardiness, missing assignments
Although children of divorce are at a higher risk for many problems, they can make healthy adjustments and develop a strong support system. They can begin to understand divorce and not fear its consequences. They can gain peace of mind as they learn that although life will be different, life can be good. Divorce is not the end of the world but the beginning of a new life. Children can learn how to manage their feelings and accept the challenges and new responsibilities they will have. Focus and motivation can be restored, and they can face life with greater strength and hope.
Divorce does not have to lead children down a dark, difficult, destructive path. Children are resilient. They can understand and adjust well. They can learn healthy ways to cope and overcome challenges. They can have peace in the midst of the storm, and love can be their anchor. Children of divorce can develop greater compassion, deeper insight, understanding and wisdom from their experience. They can become stronger and more determined as they withstand the tempest winds and tumultuous seas that threaten to overcome them. Children of divorce can and will succeed with help and support.
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